The Police need to be notified about this…

  • No, seriously, they do. If you don’t believe me, read on. Rare could be in serious trouble with The Police.

    Maties, my Sea of Thieves adventure started off as another lonely day with no one here but me. More loneliness than any man could bear! After loading up the Battletoads Wrath, I sailed around for quite a while. The seas were empty, not another ship in sight! So I rejoiced at all the plunder and loot I would be able to amass without the worry of having to take a long sail around an island or outpost to look for another ship, or have to pop into the crow’s nest each time I loaded a chest on board to see if I was about to be attacked. As much as I do enjoy the occasional ship battle, or sinking those who open fire at the mere sight of me, sometimes it’s nice just to plunder with abandon.

    So I set about doing just that. Several voyages and shipwrecks later I was quite proud of the wealth I had amassed. I had turned most of it in already and was making another run back to Golden Sands with several crates of tea and spice when the oddest thing happened. My poor ship was blasted into tiny slivers of wood that would not even be good as a toothpick.

    Someone else had joined the server, recruited a crew of bloodthirsty, murder-hobo, kill-on-sight pirates, found the only other pirate sailing the seas (that would be me) and decided to murderize them.

    With prejudice.

    Me and my faithful ship respawned at an outpost and I figured I’d had a good run so far. Now that I knew the seas were no longer safe, I’d keep a weather eye on the horizon.

    I finished restocking my ship and had set sail around the island again when another galleon sailed up next to me (those things move really fast compared to a sloop) and without even buying my ship dinner, began poking holes in her rear! As I was trying to outmaneuver the galleon, bail water and patch holes, two of the murder-bunnies hopped onto my ship and blunderbuss’d me onto the ferry of the damned.

    Annoyed, I spent several frustrating minutes talking to the Ferry’s Captain and asking him to drop me somewhere safe, I’d wait here if it was the last stop on his journey or something, pay double fair if I had to, etc. All I got in return was a steely-eyed glare before he used his wobbly hook to ring the bell and tell me that my stop had arrived. Minding the gap, I went through the swirling vortex of respawness and found myself on a tiny island.

    Just a castaway.

    An island lost at sea.

    Well, not totally a castaway. The mighty Battletoads Wrath was nearby. Scavenging the island I realised that someone had sent an SOS out into the world. There was a shiny message in a bottle. Clearly, someone had hoped I would get their message in a bottle. This particular message showed the map of another tiny island with 10 “X marks the spot” locations on it. I thanked the Ferryman of the Damned as loudly as I could and promised to bring him a tankard of grog from my very own Order of Souls tankard the next time I saw him, which I hoped wasn’t anytime soon.

    Sailing to the island was different than normal. I had never been to this tiny, loopy island before and it was surrounded by rocks. It was like the whole island was a leftover piece of land, lost at sea. After landing I dug up 6 Captain’s chests, 3 Marauder’s Chests and some idiot bait, also known as a Castaway’s chest. After fighting off more than 2 score skeletons (seriously, I counted) I hid the good chests in various locations on the sloop, disguising them as best I could I then put the idiot bait front and center on the main deck so that if I was boarded, they would most likely grab that chest and run, rather than scour my ship for the good stuff.

    I turned in all my loot without any trouble at a nearby outpost and headed to the tavern to celebrate.

    That’s when it hit me.

    The Police.

    The message in a bottle.

    That message; that SOS sent me to an island. There were 10 chests on that island. There are 10 lines in the first verse of Message In A Bottle by The Police (not counting the ones that repeat.) This couldn’t be coincidence! There was only 1 c****y chest on that island. It was a castaway. Just a castaway. Just like the lyrics!

    Clearly Rare has stolen their game ideas from 80’s rock bands! And they did it in a very clever way, carefully disguising their machinations from the world! There has to be more references to other rock songs in the game! (Welcome to the Jungle, anyone?) We need to unite and demand that Rare come up with their own ideas for game content! This isn’t fair to those aging 80’s rock stars who depend upon royalties to survive!

    Rare, you could get in trouble with The Police over this!

    For other adventures, follow the links below:

    DO Not Laugh (

    Episode 2 (

    Chickens, Blunderbusses and Overwhelming Firepower

    They call me Chicken Chaser (

    The Dread Pirate Blunderbritches (

    I met a Legendary Pirate! (

    We Altered The Game’s Physics (

    I keep hoping for a change (

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  • Lol I love reading your posts :)

  • @xcalypt0x said in The Police need to be notified about this…:

    Lol I love reading your posts :)

    Lol... same

  • @rdizz said in The Police need to be notified about this…:

    @xcalypt0x said in The Police need to be notified about this…:

    Lol I love reading your posts :)

    Lol... same

    Thanks guys (or girls, since the interwebz is so anonymous) I really appreciate it!

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