I’m having some trouble with my new First Mate and I’d like to know your thoughts. To give a little background, his name is the Dread Pirate Blunderbritches. He is so named due to the similarity in sound of a blunderbuss firing and when he c***s himself.
Which he does.
All the time.
He also crawls around like he’s drunk all the grog in the ship.
And he does drink.
All the time.
He never complains about the orders I give him, but he never follows them either. At random times in our adventures he will scream. Loudly. Sometimes it’s a terrifying war cry that has confused friend and foe alike, other times it’s this strange language that he speaks. What confuses me is that I know he was born in the same country as me, so he should be able to speak the same language!
Here’s an example of one of our voyages. Maybe this will help you to offer more concise advice.
I sent out another rally cry to me mates and they all said they’d be on in just a few hours. A few hours!? That’s an eternity! However, my first mate was willing to join me in a little treasure hunting so the two of us set sail in a sloop to see what we could find until the rest of the crew could arrive.
Not having a particular voyage in mind that the two of us could agree on, we set sail to plunder islands and ships that had met an ill fate. Fortune smiled on us and we found a fair bit of loot, as well as a shipwrecked castaway’s chest. Knowing how valuable that particular chest was I placed it on the foredeck and we hid the rest of our loot in clever places about the ship. After we stored all the loot on our sloop, the Mighty Battletoad, Blunderbritches c*****d himself.
So, pardons were made and after my First Mate was ready to set sail again, we headed into port to turn in our loot.
Then my first mate decided that he needed a drink and that he could not play and drink at the same time. So we delayed our return voyage while my First Mate drank himself into a coma-like state on the poison of his choice. Then we set sail. Again.
Arriving in port we quickly sold what we could, leaving the rare and valuable castaway chest for last. I was returning to the sloop when a galleon pulled alongside our sloop and started blasting away. They didn’t even say hello or offer to buy us dinner before poking our ship!
I charged down the wharf, boarded our rapidly sinking ship and shouted “Man the cannons!” to which my First Mate made some sort of garbled, slurring reply and I started unleashing lead fury into the enemy ship. I saw two of the enemy pirates leap overboard and swim for our ship, so I cried “Repel the borders, Blunderbritches, while I make ready!” I got no response to this so I bravely dove off the backside of our sloop and swam underwater to the far side of their ship.
As soon as the enemy pirates reached our sloop Blunderbritches let out his war cry. I may have p**d myself a tiny bit at the shear terrifying shill that was let loose. It served its purpose though because as I boarded the enemy ship I noticed that all the pirates had stopped in their tracks, stunned by the terrifying sound they had heard.
“What the f*** was that?” one asked.
“I don’t know… A banshee?” Replied another.
“Who cares?” Said another pirate, probably the one in charge. “Just loot their ship and get back!”
I took this opportunity to run below decks and see if they had any loot worth taking. Fair is fair, after all. It turns out that on the very bottom deck, towards the bow, they had stashed a number of captain’s chests and some very pretty red barrels.
I grinned like the Irish Devil I am.
I began spacing the barrels out along the length of their aft/port hull, just close enough to set off a chain reaction. About this time I heard “Where’s the other one? All they had was this c****y chest!”
To which I proudly responded “I’m down in your ship, stealing your treasure, you beardless, bilge rat of a coxswain!” And picked up a red barrel.
There were many startled replies and cursing and one of them seemed to be very confused as to exactly what I had called him, but they all came charging down the stairs. Almost in unison.
I grinned broadly.
I had placed the barrels so that when they came down the stairs their back would be to me. So with a war cry of my own I startled the p**s out of them. Which is exactly what I wanted. They all turned and fired off pistols and blunderbusses.
At point blank range.
I laughed my a*s off as I heard more cursing and a few “Oh s**t$” let loose.
So all five of us wind up on the Ferry of the Damned. Three of the others are screaming and calling me names while I laugh my a*s off. The fourth, the one I assume was the captain, looks to me and says “Well played.” I thanked him and he asked me what that terrifying wail was when they boarded my ship.
“That would be me First Mate, the Dread Pirate Blunderbritches.”
That earned a laugh, which was nice because the other three were nearing apoplexy judging by the sounds they were making.
“Okay mate, where is he now? Stealing our treasure?”
“No, he’s in my lap. Drunk off milk again. I swear he drinks his weight in it every day…”
I looked down at my First Mate to see a sleepy smile cross his face. Then he c*****d himself.
“What the f*** was that?” the captain asked…
I laughed again.
A pirate's life for me!
For other adventures, follow the links below, or follow me if you really want!
DO Not Laugh (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/40513/do-not-laugh)
Episode 2 (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/41447/the-water-weasel-episode-2)
Chickens, Blunderbusses and Overwhelming Firepower https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/46492/chickens-blunderbusses-and-overwhelming-firepower
They call me Chicken Chaser (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/48447/rare-i-deserve-an-achievement/4)
