Hahahaaaa, Hello Dear Pirates ,Bucanneers , Privateers ,Corsairs , Sheninigans, scallywagians , or in short ( * You call that short ? moron) Brothers and Sisters of the Coast. It has been ages since i wrote a little ( * You call that little ? Dufus) story.
i have to admit that this is all my fault , because i still read too much forum and...i don't get happy from it ,sometimes . Too much complaining and too much demands force me more than i want to put the Forum aside for a few days...But i would become a sheep in a herd if i would subdue and start complaining too. ( * What are you doing then? isn't this complaining , fool?). So it's story time ( - Quickly Sunshine , warn them. * About what? - Boredom * No - Why not ? * You always hold me back ,that's why…- Not today i won't , go for it , Sunshine , the whole story if you have to * Serious? , Captain Tearface - Yep, go for it, Sunshine * Yeeehaaaa! , So Dear Pirates , experienced Sea Dogs or Greenhorns of this Forum , i will warn you only once...If you are still reading his rubbish then know that your health and mental sanity is in danger , he can't write ,can't even spell ,uses grammer as chocolat paste on bread , and will put you in a hibernation sleep on wich yer family will bring you to a hospital where they will think you are in a coma....Months later you will wake up with a serious headache and months of yer life wasted ...Still feeling you like to read ? Poor devils , where is my Gandalf voice? " Fly ! You Fools"...If you are still reading then i hope that God may have mercy on you , because i won't...Bye bye...)
No , it is time i throw off this heavy depressing load of my shoulders and find a new way to read and survive ,with total mental health, this Forum...If others don't put a smile upon my face ,then i will force one on yours or i will die trying. ( * Oh, that dying part...Is that a promise ? hihihihi) So let's get started ( * remember : " Fly , you fools " , my very very last warning).
Ah, Friday evening, for some a reason to walk out of the door and come in swaggering filled with booze or other " additional compounds" . The headache or other uncomfortables will be reserved for the next morning , but not for Old George . For me the absolute blast is switching on that Little Box of Technology and Magic that connects me with the rest of the World in a blink of an eyelid.
Mr Spencer's best invention : The Xbox One ( * Wait ? is this a commercial ? Fool , wait are you wairing your old man's wedding costume ? Oh man , look at those elephant piped trousers , Jezus what a sight ...No Jezus , don't look or you will be blind...Poor dev..i mean Son of God).
But the Magic doens't come solely from this Divine Aparatus ( * Aparatus ? What the Hell ? What kind of " Spiritus" have ye been drinking , yokel?). No , for the Real Magic for Hardcore Magic addicts ,one needs to click on an icon inside that Magical Box. An icon that depicts a cave entrance on wich a few Piratey figures are watching towards a Sea where a Galleon struggles with a Kraken , a Pirate on a rowboat shoots a trumpetshaped gun to an opened mouth of a Sharkey….Sea of Thieves , the best and most variated game ever depicted on the Xbox branch…
This Friday would be a bomb ( * Oh, no don't start talking like the youngsters , you're way too old for that….Goofball) because i came back from the Night shift , my favorite shift , and energy was pouring out of my ears .
i switched on and got immediatly an invite of my Trusted Captain J4dio, renown Boatswain of this very Forum. " Hello Captain J4dio, Hello Mrs Deviouz Dogz , how are you , and what will we be doing?".
Our Ace Helmswoman, Mrs Deviouz Dogz had placed an Athena Journey or Adventure ( * Bilbo's voice now " i am going on an Adventure!!!) on the Mission table and we would tackle Fortresses , Skeleton ships , Krakki's and Meggi's along the way ...uhm waves.
And so we sailed off ( * you were already "off" Fruitti di cakey").We dug a few treasure up , killed and got killed by a few skeletonions and went to cash in to an Outpost...We then travelled to another Outpost because one of the Missions ordered us to gather some cargo from there. But Mrs Deviouz Dogz , keen eyes cathed a Sloop.Coming closer to this Outpost , the Sloop revealed no fancinesses ( * That's not even English , dumbo).
Captain J4dio shot himself over to the Outpost , and Friendly as always , made very quickly contact with one of the Buccanneers . Two Pirates , with one talking with microphone and the other one using the Non Verballic Option, were apparantly new to this game. The Clothes and title supported their confession but still , Mr J4dio , was a bit suspicious ...You have to understand that "New" Pirates had pulled a few pranks on us in the past , but for some unknown reason i trusted these two Pirates . They followed us like two lost children , without mocking them of course.
We all agreed to tackle a Fortress in order to give these guys a lot of money that would help them to rank up a few levels. Both ships made sail and after the usual Baptism in the Marvellous Composed Mr Beanland Music , we landed , after repairing and disposing of Tower skeletons ,on the beaches ...Chaotic fights that brought laughter , joy and scary thrills were held against waves of Bloodlust crazed weight watchers .
Although we were outnumbered ten to one here , still we loved the odds ( - Oh ,oooow, be careful George , don't steal lines from one of yer favorite bands like Amon Amarth….Have you seen the size of that Frontman, that Viking can chew yer head off with one bite * He won't - He won't what ? * Bite him - What makes you so sure about that, Sunshine? * Because he doesn't want to get diarrhea - Who hohoho , that's a good one , Sunshine * At yer service, Captain).
After a long rummble and tossle ,we succeeded on bringing the Horde to a halt . A decapitated Skeleton captain made all the other ones crawl back to the shadow ( * Yokel , you need Gandalfs' voice to say lines like that). We entered the vault and our two new Brothers of the Coast sounded , well at least one of them, happy. We started to place our share on our Brigantina and...they placed their share too on our ship? " Uhm , lads , we are in an Alliance , we share our spoils , you need to cash in a few of them too to get the full pay for them , we don't want everything" . The Portugese Pirate answered " Yes , but you are better armed than our baot"...
We sailed off in a convoy and delivered our treasure to the Factions, we made sure that they cashed in a lot of the treasure too so they could level up...
Their many thank you's ,uttered in voice and text , made our evening already but somewhere i felt that the " Magic, or Soul ,Anomaly " would not crawl back today…
We said goodbye and goodluck and i placed an Athena on their Table.
A half an hour later the Alliance stopped in excistence , Did they go to sleep? or did one made a little boo boo and made a mistake ? The answer may never be known…
But that didn't killed our fun, our oiled like machine crew , fulfilled all the other missions , and from time to time we raised our Pirate Piggy bank in numbers and then we fought another Fortress.
This time we weren't alone , after a while a Sloop approached us , it was again the keen eyes of Mrs Deviouz Dogz that catched that Sloop.
The Sloop behaved a bit strange ...it came near but then circled around the island , got a few Skeleton shots in it's gullit and scrambed away...For 10 minutes then it returned and came straight at us …
Captn J4dio didn't liked the sight he saw and instincly grabbed a Boom boom barrel out of the hands of an amazed skeleton and dove in the Sea...A minute later ,our human U boat had struck it's target . The Sloop sank and the Pirate was not able to repair it , did Mr J4dio killed him with the explosion or had a Sharkey had a blast while eating Manflesh ( * You must utter this with an Uruk hai ,voice , moron), we don't know...The fact was that we rolled up the Horde and played bongo on the Fortress Captain's Skull.
We sailed up to the nearest Outpost , cashed in , and said goodbye to eachother ...Normally Mr J4dio is a Nightcrawler like me and together we make the Seas unsafe and bring Joy and Laughter to all those that are capable of laughing but he had a job to do in the morning so i was left behind…
Uhm, my mind started to think ( * OOOH NOOOO, those excutiating pains he went through by using his head for once, i cannot even dare to describe those pains , oh dear poor two readers of the Moron of the Sea)...A few new games had stapled themselves on the Digital shelve , there was Far Cry New Dawn, Metro Exodus ,Anthem … But last week ,i had tried to restart Metro 2033 Redux and stopped playing after 15 minutes …
i felt like if i was being held by the hand like a toddler that learn to walk on his Mothers' hand. i hated this ...Wich is strange because i loved Singleplayer games once , for me there was nothing else since a decade ago it wasn't a fun to talk with an accent in any game...
But now something seems broken and i know who the Culpritt is who is responsible for this happening. Sea Of Thieves . This game that offers me Total Freedom combined with a Genius setup that brings the best out of many Pirates just because the pace of the game isn't suffocating fast , has made that i can't play a different game and get the same Joy and Thrills out of them like i get out of Rare's Masterpiece....
There i stood on the docks , a Brigantina filled with 300 Cannonballs some 130 or 140 planks and some 100 bananas...i couldn't abandon this great Ship, it didn't even had much scars thanks to the Ace Sailing capabilities of our Helmswoman...i checked the Friendlist...Hum everyone was involved in a game and i didn't dared to get them out of there by inviting them into mine...
Hum, running a Brigantina on yer own is suicide and i would dread the thought that i wasted or lost such a good stocked boat. i looked in my fuel tank , i had still energy for three hours and i didn't want to go to sleep yet ...Ping ( * liar , it was BOOOOOIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG, as it felt like a hammer slapped an empty keg) an idea arrived in my head ( * Two guesses , Dear Readers , poor devils you are if you aren't asleep yet, who is responsible for "his " ideas ….yek yek yek). Why didn't i used the Looking for Group Option from Sea of Thieves Official Club? i'm not a member but luckely it is open and so i did …
i wrote a few lines , let's see if i can recall them " Old Pirate with well stocked Brigantina looks for Friendly Pirates that like to sail. Everyone is welcome...Then a few # , wich contained New Pirates welcome, no toxic behaviour , sense of humour …
i paced the dock a bit up and down , a ping made me jump but it was just another friend that came online...Seconds ticked away and they felt like they were already lasting for minutes , suddenly two pings right after eachother , i'm not a picky person , so i hoped they were honest about themselves and leave the toxicity behind at my doorstep...
Two Pirates were invited ,one called "i'm using mods " who i will call Mods in the rest of the Story and another one who called Snowman or something ...My memory is bad with names…
Oh , before i start a new page , because i fear i'm running out of space , please whatever you do , don't write underneath untill the second part is finished , after that you can slander me all you want but wait untill this story is ended , please
