This is what we have so far
"On Snake Island there was a pirate named John the ...Flatulent. He spent his days drinking and ...watching the waters, waiting for a sign of... the kracken from the briny deep...
The water stirred, what was the sight that beheld his gaze.......Only a rebellious mermaid, renowned for stealing...barrels of grog from the local...store, which John saw because of the black...slimy trail left behind by the mermaid...Angry John cursed his luck. That was the last ....barrel of grog the store had. He needed it, so...he pulled out his trusty spyglass.And jumped on his boat to find...A crewmate passed out on the deck ...In a puddle of vomit and half eaten bananas....John then made his way to the crowsnest but was...Interrupted by a pig on board...Which pointed at a red circle... on the map downstairs, possibly leading to the mermaids hideout...or the local tavern, but then...A terrible storm began brewing around the ship... John the Flatulent had let some nasty wind out his lower hatch Which blew away the map. It danced on the fetid breeze until it landed on... The crew mate, passed out on the deck.Waking him up. His name was Finnegan the...Chinnigan, finest beard on the seven seas, who..."