It’s not everyday you find a game that offers a chance to alter the very physics of the game’s reality in spectacular ways, particularly by making one laugh so hard they p*e themselves.
Only a little...
A few nights ago I was joined by captain Fat Bob as we decided to sail the Three high seas and try our hands at earning a fortune. As usual we loaded up the mighty Battletoad’s Wrath with everything we could rob, steal, beg or borrow (without giving back) from the local outpost. Once again the NPC’s just sat there, repeated themselves over and over and never moved from where they were standing. Truly, Rare has cursed these poor NPC’s
We decided that we were getting slightly frustrated with digging up every island for a few chests, only to be sunk or chased for an hour by anything with a sail that was within a thousand leagues. So we decided on a new venture to make our fortune. We would smuggle gunpowder! We’d had some great success the last few nights with deterring other pirates with our clever uses of the pretty red barrels and sold a number of them for a decent amount of clinky gold coins.
The trouble was, where to find them? We might find one or two on an island, if we were lucky, but we would need a small horde to really make any coin. We threw a dart at the map in the local tavern to decide what direction to sail in and headed for the nearest landmark, a skeleton fort that wasn’t currently spewing forth hordes of undead critters intent on hacking every poor b****r to pieces.
Sailing close to one, we noticed several shiny red easter eggs just laying about the island. We pulled in, dropped anchor and robbed the place of about eight barrels of gunpowder.
That’s a lot of boom…
So we decided that the safest place to store all the boom-juice was in the crow’s nest. Lightning never strikes the highest point, right? No cannon crew is going to aim for the crow’s nest, right?
Calculating that we could average a decent amount of gold this way per fort plundered, we charted a course for another skeleton fort, robbed it blind, sailed to the next, and the next, and so on.
We sailed close to a storm and I had Fat Bob continue his duties as lookout.
“We’re not going near that storm, right?”
“Of course not Fat Bob,” I reply “We’d never do something so risky!”
So I sailed into the storm with Fat Bob in the crow’s nest. It was supposed to be a prank. honest! Just a quick little jaunt into the storm before we head back out.
About 5 seconds into the storm I was blasted from the helm by a lightning bolt. Fat Bob was unaware of my plight and I couldn’t help but laugh. When he asked what I was laughing about, lightning struck the bow of the ship and Fat Bob let out the war cry of the Battletoad’s Wrath.
For those of you who are first time readers to my posts, feel free to look up a YouTube video of a terrified teenage girl shrieking at the top of her lungs. Our battle cry sounds very similar.
Fortunately I managed to catch a Mer-Uber back to the ship and pilot her out of the storm before anything went amiss. Fat Bob cursing at me the whole while in a very colorful way.
Fat Bob then decided to rename the Crow’s Nest to the “Pucker Bowl” while he was up there. I’m not sure why. What I do know is that anytime he went up to the “Pucker Bowl” after that, he stripped down to his underwear, which had a curious brown stain in the rear…
After more than a half dozen forts, we started to head back to the nearest outpost. Which was directly in the path of a large storm.
We had approximately forty barrels of gunpowder in the crow’s nest. Fearing that a single lightning bolt could very well tear a rip in the time-space continuum and execute an explosion so large that any pirate on the server would be able to see it, no matter where they were, we decided it would be best to avoid the storm and set sail for an outpost on the other side of the map.
This new course took us by an ‘active’ skeleton fort, where every pirate on the server was engaged in a maddening display of cannon fire and ship-to-ship combat. We decided that we wanted no part in that particular battle and tried to sail by peacefully. The local pirates that had respawned had different ideas.
A single sloop can win a fight against a galleon. A single sloop taken by surprise from two galleons coming around either side of large, vision obscuring rocks is at a large disadvantage.
Before Fat Bob could climb back into the Pucker Bowl to grab a barrel of gunpowder, both ships opened up on out little sloop and we were obliterated. Fat Bob decided the only proper thing to do was to play the hurdygurdy as we sank. Seeing our treasure trove of loot above us as we started to sink I became quite frustrated. Then I started laughing like a mad man. Loud enough that one of the galleon crew asked “What’s that laughing?”
Those would be his last words.
See, the galleon sailed right over the top of our Pucker Bowl as we were sinking.
So I pulled out my pistol...
...and fired.
Maties, the explosion was something majestic. I still get a tear in me eye thinking about it. If you ever want to know what a 6,000 gold explosion looks like, try it sometime.
Needless to say there were many cries of “W*F” and “Oh (c**p)” and their galleon sank.
Then it rose up out of the water, flipped end over end and landed some distance off. Upside down. Then it sank. Again. I laughed so hard I may or may not have p*e’d myself. It’s hard to know for sure becuse I was drowning at the time.
So, I joined Fat bob in playing a fine tune as we slowly drowned, knowing that something truly amazing had just happened. We had altered the very physics of the game. At least for a moment.
(Yes we know that it was a bug the Devs have fixed in their latest patch.)
For other adventures, follow the links below:
DO Not Laugh (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/40513/do-not-laugh)
Episode 2 (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/41447/the-water-weasel-episode-2)
Chickens, Blunderbusses and Overwhelming Firepower https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/46492/chickens-blunderbusses-and-overwhelming-firepower
They call me Chicken Chaser (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/48447/rare-i-deserve-an-achievement/4)
The Dread Pirate Blunderbritches (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/52546/please-advise#)
I met a Legendary Pirate! (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/55414/i-met-a-legendary-pirate/7)
