I left my crew last night to fight a skullfort with another member of my discord so he could get the achievement for the fort skeletons.
I got into the game on a sloop, and saw on the horison a skullfort (they often sparn around the same time on multiple servers so I didnt think much of it.)

I went there to find... my galleon? After eating some cannonballs and killing a few of my crew they saw it was me... and killed me :-P

This is a very interesting topic.

There are loads of ways in which a team can start to disintegrate. Arguments, insults, unhelpful behaviour, back seat driving, second guessing every decision.

Even if it's just one person out of a crew of 4 the negative effect that it has on the cohesion and morale of the entire group can be catastrophic.

I tend to try and inject humour into the situation, getting people laughing at something else can be a good way of alleviating the tension in those sorts of situations. Having a clumsy crew member who is prone to p**t falls is great for that (kinda like Randall in black sails).

If it is going to far and descending into an argument, it's probably too late for humour. That's when I tend to be a bit firmer, and insist that both sides get over it and we move forwards. The exact words I use are normally "Look, it's over now, let's just move past this"

In the worst cases I'll tell the crew that if they don't put their handbags away I'm leaving, but to be honest if it's gotten that bad there's probably no saving that particular crew.

At all times I try to make sure that I am respectful to my crew members, I don't bark orders and I don't criticise performance. It's much easier to get people to follow you if they feel supported and respected, even if you as captain aren't overawed with their playing. Compliment them on whatever it is that they are doing well (there must be something, even if it's just being the drunkest sailor) and offer advice as to what you might do differently, never demand, never criticise, it's important that your crew feels valued and able to trust one another.

If you are in a leadership position, your main goal should always be that the people on your ship enjoy themselves. The only reason to put on the grown up voice and be a bit more authoritarian is if a crew member's language, attitude or behaviour is causing conflict or disunity within the crew.

A good way of handling the back seat driving/second guessing is to let that person be in charge for a bit or give them some other critical role to perform, if they're busy doing something else then they won't have time to be criticising everything.

A follower of my instagram account was interested in joined my crew. I was trying to be a nice guy so I let him into the party. I took him a few seconds to speak up and hear him make the most awkward sounds only a squeaker could make. A short silence followed and than the reaction of my crew: "Sorry, no squeakers, mate" with a swift kick out of the party. I couldn't help but burst into laughter. I did lost a follower that day.

@ender1714 It sounds like maybe he is more mature than you and you haven't got used to good old locker room talk. Men have those discussions on a daily basis and they are way more graphic than that. I would't have taken it personal and I laughed when I read it quoted by you.

@ender1714 I thought you were the one I was talking to. The princess guy. Yes you would've laughed. My whole point to why I even commented is to understand why this was awkward. I want to confirm my belief for an awkward feeling for this type of setting and discussion is a result of being gay.

@ender1714 said in What do you do when things get awkward in-game?:

@doubledragun well just looking at it from his perspective, it may not have been awkward if that was the case, but he stated it was awkward so it apparently wasn't welcome in this instance unless I misinterpreted. Regardless, not trying to be judgmental here. I probably also would have laughed in that instance

It's just one of those things, close mates, through game or otherwise, that sort of banter is grand (as long as that is the social norm for that particular group), strangers though, that could go all sorts of ways.

For example: I have good friends in RL and we all regularly joke about i*********e with each other's mothers. In that group, saying that sort of stuff is fine. If a stranger said the likes of that to me though, there'd be a frank and physical exchange of views.

@boxcar-squidy well of course because you are talking about each others mothers! This is a man simply stating that it would upset him if you chose to play games with your friends than eat pizza and (watch netflix) wink wink with girlfriend. I've had pizza and fun with GF and it's a satisfying experience that out weighs the fun of video games.

@ender1714 said in What do you do when things get awkward in-game?:

Did I just make this funny thread awkward? lol.

now that's awkward but funny hahhahahahahahahah

@doubledragun I know, and if someone said that to/about me in a crew I'd have no problem.

The thing is, everyone is different, some people get offended at things that I don't.

Talking about people's girlfriends, could cause offence to some folks.

I think the feeling of awkwardness that was evoked in that post was about the awks you get when someone has said something potentially controversial and there's that silence afterwards while people wait to see what the reaction will be. In my experience it normally ends in laughs, but not always.

@dunkachino1124 ahhaahahahahahah

Dunka just hit the nail on the head. When things get awkward say "adios" and leave hahahahahha

Okay reading this has made me think of my most awkward moment. It was this time I was on a galleon and we did a skull fort together and survived! As we were turning in chest the girl I was talking with a lot during our time asked me where I live. I gave it second thought and just gave her the state. She said "me too"! I was like uh oh. She said which county and like an idiot I told her. She said Im only 20 minutes from you and my husband is out of town on a business trip. I told her I was good and immediately left. Don't get me wrong I am a man that loves women but that was weird. I am married and would be livid if that was my wife.

@captnjaq I agree with you on any kind of slur, but you have to be forgiving. Think about how many stupid, awkward things you've ever said in social situations where you were unsure of the group norms, wanted to fit in, be accepted and were suffering from an acute attack of social anxiety. People say all kinds of stuff in those situations.

People keep arguing about whether this is a PvE game or a PvP game. This is a social game, it's your social skills that it challenges, not your PvP or PvE skills.

As such we have to be a bit more forgiving for those of us whose social skills are less developed, or who are extremely stressed by social situations. I'm not saying that any kind of abusive language or behaviour should be forgiven, just that we should try to be understanding of those who might say or do stupid things because of the pressure of trying to socialise with complete strangers.

@boxcar-squidy said in What do you do when things get awkward in-game?:

@captnjaq I agree with you on any kind of slur, but you have to be forgiving. Think about how many stupid, awkward things you've ever said in social situations where you were unsure of the group norms, wanted to fit in, be accepted and were suffering from an acute attack of social anxiety. People say all kinds of stuff in those situations.

People keep arguing about whether this is a PvE game or a PvP game. This is a social game, it's your social skills that it challenges, not your PvP or PvE skills.

As such we have to be a bit more forgiving for those of us whose social skills are less developed, or who are extremely stressed by social situations. I'm not saying that any kind of abusive language or behaviour should be forgiven, just that we should try to be understanding of those who might say or do stupid things because of the pressure of trying to socialise with complete strangers.

You are 100% correct sir! It's very socially challenging.

I was one in ship combat with another sloop, we were both equal in skill and we ran out of supplies at the same time. We both just stop firing our rifles, looked at eachother and sailed in opposite directions.
Like, it was understood that any damage done to either ship would result in it sinking, so we would both lose, so it was just understood that there was no victor here =P

@doubledragun It is socially challenging at times, but it's socially challenging in similar ways to the real world. The secret is this: one person working in harmony with another person = a 2x increase of force not a 2+ increase of force. This effect increases at the same rate that you add other people who are working in harmony, so 3 people working together is 3x as effective as 3 people who aren't on the same page. The limiting factor is that the more people that you add the more difficult it becomes for them to act in harmony. SoT focused on a maximum group size of 4 at launch, but in reality the human psyche can support larger functional groups than this provided that there are people filling essential roles within that group that facilitate that group having the necessary elements to form a functional system according to systems theory.

@boxcar-squidy very well said good sir!

@personalc0ffee said in What do you do when things get awkward in-game?:

I go toe to toe, typically. I don't shy away from confrontation and I can dish it as well as take it.

I won't say I'll be argumentative but I'll strike up a debate. Those of you that have sailed with me, know I am not one to be trifled with.

If someone was being mean to someone, say belittling or insulting them. That's donyun rings for me. I will not sail with that person and they'll be kicked from the party, get a nice hearty report, and a block.

There was one time and I'll not name names, those in the know, know how this went down.

I am not good with Math, period. I'm horrid at it. Laugh all you wish but I am. Someone decided to insult and demean me over it because they used a fraction that I couldn't perform or calculate, for a naval maneuver. When I kept asking them to give it to me another way so I can properly do what they wanted as I didn't understand what they meant, they yelled at me, called me names, and belittled me. They muted me in game and ranted about it.

The mood went sour, real fast.

This individual had action taken against them and I've blocked that individual and won't ever sail with them again.

As to how we moved on from that? We lost communication. I could hear the individual but they could not hear me, it hurt the party dynamic and really ruined it for a lot of those that were there, including myself. The rest of the crew attempted to move on from it by just focusing on the voyage.

That was one of the times, I've truly had a miserable experience in this game when it came to internal crew struggles.

Ouch, they slated you about one of your trigger issues in-game? That's horrific. We all have trigger issues, every single one of us, it'll probably be how we check if someone is an android or not in a few years.

A lot of people wouldn't have the fortitude to return to an activity that had hit them directly in their insecurities though. You are to be commended for your strength.

As much as I admire you for trying to move on from that experience during that session, if one member of a crew mutes another crew member then I wouldn't even consider that a functional crew anymore. I'd like to think I'd have left on principle, but I reckon you stayed on point of pride, and I'd probably do the same.