Have you ever heard of The Order of Anubis? No? Take a seat and let me tell you a tale, a tale about a man with one purpose in life who stopped at nothing until he found his treasure. You see there was a young man who was upsessed with making his mark in the Sea of Thieves. This man was Anubis, as a lad he tried joining every company that would take him never settling down though. He always felt others were holding him back. He was unofficially with the gold hoarders for several years I suppose in part because they were both obsessed with treasure in their own way.
But alas one day he had enough of them and left with a fair size of their gold if I might add. It was said he found a way to protect himself from the gold hoarders but nobody ever learned how or if he really did have protection. Most of us think it was witchcrat provided by the order of souls since that's where he went next. Now nobody knows exactly what he did after leaving the gold hoarders, but 3 months after he had joined the Order of Souls. Anubis really took to the order hunting down skeleton captain after skeleton captain. I don't think I ever seen such hunger to kill maybe it was the glow of the skull or maybe he just wanted to prove himself, whatever the case it wasn't long before even that was not enough to satisfy his desire to make a name for himself. But something about the order stuck with him he couldn't leave it completely and that's when he made The Order of Anubis a subdivision of the Order of Souls.
The Order of Anubis was less interested in skeleton heads and more interested in the essence of the souls. Anubis even managed to create a box that could capture a person's "jb"(pronounced jib) or an essence of the soul. This box could take the jb from the living and even the undead. This was an area the Order of souls had not dared to venture. Some say the Order of Souls were scared of the consequences taking a persons jb would bring, but I think it was because until Anubis did it a persons jb just didn't have a value.
Now these boxes were not very easy to get your hands on and the order guarded them keenly. I have only seen one once, the ominous glow of the souls will chill yer bones. And it might have been the grog, but I swear I could hear the eerie cries of the trapped souls inside. For four years Anubis sailed the seas on his ship Judgment finding shipwrecked or marooned sailors and offering them a quick and painless death. He was a king on the water and some say he even had a throne hidden somewhere in The Ancient Isles. But no king is without enemies and 4 years of ruling the sea and collecting souls was as long as he would get. Nobody knows quite what happened or who done it, but they found the Judgment slowly sinking in the sea with what was left of the crew.
I think it was the gold hoarders come to collect their stolen treasure, but we will never know for sure. As for the boxes used to collect jb well it is said Anubis made three hundred and sixteen different boxes the Order of Souls has taken charge of them all and has been known to use them for only special occasions. As for Anubis well they never found a body so some say he is still out there sitting on his throne waiting for the day he feels like making his return.
Introducing the Order of Anubis (first Draft)
BTW this started as an idea for a new quest type. So the way I was thinking the mechanics could work is the Order of Souls could sometimes give players a box to collect souls of stranded NPC pirates on islands. The pirates would be static and not move and not be able to be killed. Once you found him/her you could give them the box and they would essentially agree to die peacefully and turn into a ghost form and disappear. This would deposit 1 soul into the box, the higher level quests would have boxes that could hold more souls and could not be turned in until the box is filled.
Your style of writing is totally god awful, cliché and self-aggrandizing. Why would you use your own handle just to get yourself into the game? Also why Egyptian? You do know that most backstory to typical piracy represented within the game is Anglo-saxon? If anything related to this was put into the game I would ask for a refund. You should stop what you're trying to do immediately.
@ANUBIS316 You need to understand that those who are Easter egged in the game didn't do the things to be memorialized in the game. The kid who made the book that he gave the producers at E3 or some other convention didn't do it to get in the game. Rare was touched at the gift and to give something back for the gift they put it in the game. Same with Griffin and all the others in the game. These people achieved the respect of the developers at Rare or did something that got their attention. All this story tells me is you want to somehow shoehorn your gamer tag into the game somehow and just seems too self centered to have much meaning to the game.
Ahoy @anubis316
Pay no mind to the above, thanks for taking the time to write this story. 😊
I love creative writing and it's always welcome in my eyes. Unfortunately I don't have much to add to the design concept, but I wanted to stop by and give my thanks all the same.
Keep up the good work matey.
Cool story bro
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Igor:
Look, sir, a statue.Count Duckula:
Oh, it's not me, I don't look at anything like that.Igor:
I meant, sir, that it is a statue to guard the dead. A statue of the god Anubis.Nanny:
Master Duckula, close your eyes!Count Duckula:
Huh, close my eyes?Nanny:
I won't have you looking at people with no clothes on!Count Duckula:
What are you talk - not a "nudist", Nanny, Anubis, it's a statue of Anubis! Oh, what's the use?@anubis316 Great story, and quite a cool idea for the game, collecting trapped in limbo pirate souls.
Thanks for the read.
@ANUBIS316 Fun read! I'm always excited to see more ideas that revolve around the supernatural. SoT has the perfect setting for Black Magic and Mysticism.
@sweltering-nick lol great response and shortly after posting I have gotten bombed with well, not the greatest responses, but deserved. I tried to rush this because I got a little excited and I did not need to rush it. Think of this as my first draft. I will do better to improve this story making it more readable is key, but also I want to expand on my story. I think it could be really good if I take my time. I am leaving this up because I want constructive feedback so I can make this better.
@anubis316 Indeed! You can edit your posts by clicking the helm icon on the bottom right of your post and then click "edit".
if you already knew this, i'm saying this for the rest of the people reading this who don't... I had to ask 5 times on different places before i got an answer, myself, so. xD
@levernicus well I agree my writing needs a ton of work, and I am making a lore about myself so I am not sure why you are having trouble grasping that. And why the hate on egyptian lore? I like to think of the Sea of Thieves as a melting pot. I have read the 2 comics so far and it seems to me like anyone can enter this place and bring with them whatever culture they want. I am open to critism but try being a bit more constructive and less toxic next time please
@twiladerp Oh I understand, but that won't stop me from trying. worst case I made a little lore story about myself
@pikaaroon well thank you for your kindness. I will take the bad feedback and use it to better my work. I hope to join you as a pirate legend some day
@cavemansamurai I will keep working on my story and I will work on improving it. If you have any ideas of some lore DM me, maybe I can find a way to work you and a tale of yours into my story. Or I can give feedback if you work on your own. Something I have realised is I really needed to run my story by some people first. A mistake I will rectify net time
@evil-wolf-snipe LOL omg this was great, it took me a little Iwon't lie. I was reading and so confused as to what was going on, but that punchline was great. thank you for the joke
Continue to write, even if it's not that good, if you have pleasure doing it and want to improve, you'll improve over time. The key is to read yourself and sking yourself, "Do I like the way it is written ?". If not, change some details, and you'll soon see your stories not as a ext wall, but a a music partition.
To begin with, nobody likes to read a plain wall of text. Use paragraph ! One idea = one paragraph. When you change the idea, add a paragraph. If you change the location of the story, add a paragraph. If there is a timelaps, add a paragraph.
The more ai lies between your lines, the better ! Edit your post, I'll gladly read your story then.
@anubis316 said in Introducing the Order of Anubis:
@levernicus I am making a lore about myself so I am not sure why you are having trouble grasping that.
I acknowledged it quite literally when I said you were being self-aggrandizing. Are you aware of what that means? You will find that the general public does not typically respond well to self gratifying behavior.
As for writing style, since you asked for constructive criticism I can gladly give it.
Your use of yourself as both a narrator and subject of the narration is both completely bizarre and contradictory -- And I might add is a bit like speaking about yourself in the third person. It's annoying from a reader's perspective hearing someone talk about themself, contradictions aside.
Your use of phrases like 'You see' 'if I might add' 'nobody ever learned how' and 'Now nobody knows' , while on the surface create the aura of a legend/myth, feel pretty artificial (and as I mentioned before, cliché) because nobody knows who you are talking about and it keeps referring to third parties outside of the narrative (e.g. Nobody knows, they said). If you do a quick CTRL+F on this page you can find redundancies like this all over your writing, and it's a really easy way to find where you're becoming repetitive. The reader must just take it as an assumption that whoever or whatever event you are talking about is mystic and legendary, even though there are no details for how he steals from the gold hoarders. For example, instead of making a small detail about it you just showcase your lack of creativity by falling back on"Nobody knows". Also you felt it important to say that he disappeared for three months for some reason? Not sure why this matters. So in other words this Anubis is just some guy that the narrator says is interesting. This is all the more comical when you take into account that you are also taking on the role of the narrator.
@levernicus I am making a lore about myself so I am not sure why you are having trouble grasping that.
Believe me. I get it.
Anyway I'm getting bored of explaining why this has issues but I wanted to ask finally:
Anubis is the Egyptian god of funerary rights, embalmment, and being a guardian of the dead. So isn't stealing the souls of the dead and putting them in a 'jb' (not even gonna get into the 'jb' thing) kind of like the antithesis of that? Also how did he get named Anubis before the fact?? Did he rename himself? Too many issues, sorry.
Anyway like I said:
TLDR;
Your writing is full of contradictions, cliché, lacks detail, repetitious, and self-aggrandizing. Now you can't complain that I didn't detail my constructive criticism.
@anubis316 said in Introducing the Order of Anubis:
@evil-wolf-snipe LOL omg this was great, it took me a little Iwon't lie. I was reading and so confused as to what was going on, but that punchline was great. thank you for the joke
You need to watch this
@anubis316 dear Anubis. Anubis is an Egyptian god. Your story doesn't lack passion and quality it lacks authenticity. Turn it into a pyramid (tomb raider/Indiana Jones type of thing) that's what this game lacks is true temple treasure. The order of Anubis could be the faction that introduces temple raiding to this game which I think would elevate this game from a B/B+ game to an A-/A+ game.
Cool story bro
