Hark to ye, fello sailors of the seas and lovers of the deep blue.
Ollie's the name, and Betrayal is my game. I boast to each o'ye so-called pirates that yer nuthin but a bunch of lackluster mermaid-lovin lards. Y'ain't got an ounce o'love fer gold!
Thare be seldom a man I havn't robbed and plundr'd I say. Curse be to ye who say'd not sell yer own mother for no'more than 20 gold pieces! Happily i'd kill the lot of ya for nothin morr than an extra 2 doubloons says I!
For that's what we are, innit? Livin' in a sea o thieves, not a sea o'friends and niceties!
Jus' the othr day I saw a sloop on th' starboard side o'my ship! I called out to 'er and shouted 'n the nicest voice I'could muster.
"HEY! I'M FRIENDLY! I'M FRIENDLY! I MEAN YOU NO HARM. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FORM AN ALLIANCE?!"
those words did I'shout out to the unsuspectin sloop, an' no'more did a second go by tha fool raised 'er sails n let me first-mate aboard. Kill'd em all prompt we'did, an set 'er ablaze with gunpowder, allthewhile cursin at em fer bein such fools.
anoth'r time I form'd an alliance with sum unsuspectin fools, an fer two bleedin hours did I help em dig up cap'ns chests an un'lock vaults, all'the merry while, helpin em load all that shiny beauuuutiful treasure onto 'is ship.
Little'd the fool know, I slit his throat at golden'sands outpost an took all his booty. Promptly levelin meself up to reaper five in one swift kill. HAR HAR HAR!
So there ye hav it, tha's why I'll ALWAYS be the bett'r pirate! Cause I ain't got no pity fer fools.
When I betray'd the gold hoard'r n stabb'd em in the back his final words to'me were "that's cold man"
Aye, it's cold man, cold as me heart and cold as the bottom o'the sea, an' i aint got an ounce o'remorse fer it.