I'll kick it off with a dad joke!
Where do you go to the bathroom on a ship with no toilet?
THE P**P DECK ARRR HAR HAR HAR HAR.
Pirate Jokes GOOOOOOO!!!!!
@unclemetrik How do you get a one armed Pirate out of a tree?
Wave
PS I'm just putting in Pirate to lame jokes I learned as a kid.@unclemetrik what does a pirate say before he beds a w***h?
LAND HO
"we say yo ho but we dont say ho because ho is disrespectful!"
@unclemetrik said in Pirate Jokes GOOOOOOO!!!!!:
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
"The R?"
Ahhh you would think but it be the C lad!
I was gonna place that one xD saw it on summit's stream once
@deashkiin I heard it from a real pirate (more seafaring hippie), She lives on a houseboat on Catalina and makes hats lol.
@unclemetrik A pirate is walking along a beach and Stumbles across a girl with no arms and no legs and she's crying. Being a sensitive and curious pirate he Stumbles up to her and asks, "aarrrrgh, why are you crying?" She responds I have no arms and no legs and I've never been hugged." This Pirate was at sea along time and didn't think twice about his response, he hugged her. She continued to cry, "Why you still crying there missy?" said the pirate. "I have no arms and no legs and I've never been kissed!" cried the lady. This is like plundering candy from a baby thought the pirate, so he bent down and gave the lady a kiss. Yet the woman continues to cry uncontrollably "Why are you still crying?" asks the pirate. "I have no arms and no legs and I've never been F'd!"
The Pirate thinks for a second looks around for witnesses and pick the woman up and throws her into the water "Aye, now your f'd!" exclaimed the Pirate.@senilegold Wow, that, was, amazing l**o. I loved the italicised use of stumbles =P. Although I was just suggesting it fit better in your last joke.
@unclemetrik I know by the way the last joke I learned at age 10 and still tell. I always try to make it waaay too long and usually try to sell it as a true story. I feel a bit of shame that it is still my favorite joke until I heard Gilbert Gottfried tell it in his stand-up then I just felt like a hack.
BTW I read Goooo as an Andrew Dice Clay reference (I suspect I was wrong there.)@senilegold /shrug everything in the world is just regurgitated content that only the historians and hipsters are aware of.
copy of one I did in an earlier thread:-
Skeleton walks into a Tavern cussin and a swearin.
He says to the landlord 'Pull me a pint my good man'Landlord says 'Bitter'
Skeleton ' No just a little peeved old boy dam pirate dug up my treasure chest'
The skeleton was upper class but not quite legendary
@senilegold said in Pirate Jokes GOOOOOOO!!!!!:
What do you call a Pirate with no arms and no legs who was forced off the plank?
BOB
What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs lying in front of the captains door?
MatOK I'm gonna stop using bad jokes and inserting the word Pirate but trust me I got more.
xD
A Joke told by-'me uncle Jack, the one about a skeleton...
"A Skeleton goes into a bar 'n order's a beer, and a mop!"
....Do you get it? cause I don't.
This ones a bit long but worth it.
A Pirate goes into a bar looking a bit ragged after many days at sea and orders a Grog. The barman noticed his peg leg as he walked in and asks "matey what happened to your leg". "Arrr Me leg was shot off with a canonball so now I got me a peg leg" the pirate replies. "oooh thats terrible" the barman remarks also noticing the pirates hook hand and asks "and what about your hand, cannonball too?" "Aaar also shot off with a cannonball so now I've got a hook for a hand" the pirate replies. The barman then asks "and what about your eyepatch, couldn't have been a cannonball again surely?" The pirate replies "Aaar no an albatross s**t right in my eye". Looking bewildered the barman says " well surely the albatross s**t didn't take out your eyeball?" to which the pirate then replies "Aaar, no, it was the first day with me hook"
-
A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint, both crews were marooned
-
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”
The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.”
The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?”
“Fifty cents!” replied the sailor. -
Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
“What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!”
“No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.” -
An ol' captain was sitting at table when a woman with spikey red blue and green hair sat down at the next table.
The ol' captain kept staring at the womans hair until she had enough and asked him "whats up old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
The ol' captain responds "oh definitely, I got so drunk once I f'd a parrot and I was just wondering if you were my child"
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Key & Peele - Pirate Chantey
24 out of 27
