There are spies among us, those who sail the seas for "inside" information. I will neither deny nor not-confirm to be inside this secretive rank. Spies must sign a 'Naughty Doodie Agreement' or risk losing it all.
Rumor has it, spies enjoy shenanigans too.
On an unrelated secret mission that I cannot tell you about, I found myself once again visiting the shipwright Scarlett. The 'Giggle Juice' from last night still traced through my veins.
"Scarlett love, I need that boat" I pointed to with a crooked finger.
"The Paradise Garden Galleon, an excellent selection. I just need to see your official writ."
"Here you go love."
"Captain Taco? You are to be the captain of the galleon, Taco Terrific? Where is your crew?"
"I don't need a crew. I have got me my secret mission that I can't tell you anything about. Important information is to be informed... by me... the soon-to-be informed informant."
Scarlett shook her head, 'Taco is on another one of his "Secret Missions" which means his ship will be sunk within the hour'.
"Taco, have you ever actually completed one of these said missions? You only spend an hour on them. I have yet to see you return from any of these voyages", she added a bit concerned.
I grinned, "I will be back one hour on the dot... thanks for the boat! She is a beauty" I smiled and then paused.
"But what?" asked Scarlett.
"She could use... something... a little more red. Be right back love".
Moments later, the Red Reaper flag proudly flew over the galleon, Taco Terrific.
"Is that the flag you should be flying if you are truly trying to be on a secret mission?"
"I am hiding in plain sight. Nobody will come anywhere near me", I acknowledged with a satisfying nod. "But it could still use a little more red".
My droopy eyes perked up as I remembered seeing lots of red barrels on a past voyage. "The Island fort with those tower thingies and all those skeletons is to the South?"
"You mean Skull Keep, it is to the North. Why do you want to go there? You are not thinking about getting..."
"Sorry love, times a ticking", I said with glee as I boarded my beautiful new galleon.
For the next five minutes, those on the dock could hear strenuous grunts followed by a few choice words emanating from the deck.
"The capstan turns the other direction", sighed Scarlett loudly.
"Right. Just warming up. See you in 55 minutes!"
The voyage was magnificent. As I predicted, everybody avoided the bold reaper secretly sailing north to Skull Keep.
The keep was empty of inhabitants, but full of red barrels.
"Positioning is everything. Let's put one on tip of the bow, and place the rest spaced 6 feet apart.
"This looks better, but I need more... more red. There is another fort to the east... the one with a crack-in the wall", I noted as I set sail to the west.
Another peaceful sail, easy docking, and collection of all things red, resulted in 12 to 15 red barrels spaced evenly from the bow down both flights of stairs to the stern.
'If only there was some way to count these red barrels' I thought. Thinking a moment, I proclaimed "Fifteen sounds like an amusing and believable number".
"Now that is a pretty ship! Scarlett needs to see this!"
The original mission forgotten, I sailed back to Galleon's Outpost. Upon my near arrival, I spotted a sloop docked at the pier.
"He is in my spot.
"No worries, I can sail and park so that the bow will go over the sloop, allowing me to walk right to the dock."
A humble pirate I be, even a legend by others' standards am I, as such, I do have decent navigating skills when I chose to use them.
Confidently, I slowly sailed my red barrel covered galleon right to the starboard side of the sloop, stopping it perfectly without touching the sloop.
The Captain of the sloop just stared up at the looming keg covered Reaper Galleon that parked next to and essentially over his ship.
"Permission to come aboard, my good Captain?" I requested as I jumped onto his sloop and then skipped up the dock to the slightly alarmed Scarlett.
"Taco, I don't think having all those kegs onboard is good idea? What about your 'mission'?"
"Oh, well that fine Captain over there will take over for me. Back in under an hour, just like I promised."
I then looked around, to see if anybody else was listening. "Scarlett, I believe I discovered a secret 'secret' mission that not even those inside are aware of..."
"Really?" whispered Scarlett.
"Bullet proof barrels".
"Those kegs are NOT bullet proof! You are lucky none of them detonated while you were handling them".
"Shhh... remember the 'Naughty Doodie Agreement'. And yes they are bullet proof. How else could I have got them here from all those skeletons? Look..." I said as I raised my flint lock, aimed at the red barrel on the tip of the bow overhanging the sloop and its captain, and fired.
The explosions cascaded down the bow across the deck, and down both flights of stairs all the way to the lower stern of the galleon.
The front two masts were down and the flaming Paradise Garden galleon sank in seconds.
"I didn't know a Galleon could sink that fast" I said in astonishment.
Unfortunately the other captain was accidentally and TEMPORARILY sent to the Ferry of the Damned.
His flaming de-masted sloop was barely afloat, but not for long.
"I guess I better be a good pirate Samaritan and help him to save his ship. I probably should also remind him why it is a bad idea to park ones sloop under a NON BULLET PROOF keg covered galleon bow.
"Oi, the other Captain is back!
"Hello there... Ha ha... a funny thing happened there. Apparently those red barrels are NOT bullet proof.
"We all learned a valuable lesson I say. Oh your ship did sink. Sorry about that. I guess we both share some of the responsibility.
"Nice blunderbuss! Is that the Rogue Sea Dog..."
The Ferry of the Damned was as dull as a dull ghostly green can be.
"Hey Ferryman, you know you could really liven this place up... it just needs some color... maybe... a little more red."
