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Pirate Times

Bringing You Ocean Tales From The Sea Of Thieves
May Edition
18th May
Price 1 Coin

Warning to All Swimmers!

Pictured: a shark, causing trouble, yesterday

Several sailors have asked the Pirate Times to issue a warning of shark attacks on the rise. Nowhere seems safe from this increase in toothy terror, with pirates from the Wilds to the Ancient Isles reporting unusually numerous marine maulings – as if “something’s stirring ’em up”, to quote one superstitious sea dog.

On the bright side, sales of peg legs have doubled.

Watch your toes, pirates!

Pirate Crews Embark on the ‘Grand Odyssey’

Stirring events took place as teams known as the Crew of Thieves and Fortune together hosted the Grand Odyssey, a great contest of wit and sail! They crafted 13 tasks in which to take part, using a series of head-aching riddles. Bravo to the team and over 250 brave pirates who steeled themselves to take on this challenge. Watch out for more events from these renowned crews!

Business and Leisure

Captain or Admiral? A Pirate Fleet Unites!

Pictured: a Rare sight, three galleons united by a charismatic captain

Captain oO Syl4r Oo, a charismatic if somewhat unpronounceable pirate, caused a stir on the seas after rallying a small fleet of ships! Even a ship with a ‘rare’ sail design joined the miscreants. The fleet also included Havikzz, Redstone Oracle, IntoxicatedSoul and Teh Hamburglar, having a real party on their paths to Pirate Legend.

Fine times! Although pirate names aren’t what they used to be…

Boat Patrol Helps Pirates Unload!

Pictured: Boat Patrol on hand to save the day

A rather unusual thing occurred at Sanctuary Outpost recently, with pirates Made in 89 and Nattzz teaming up to form Boat Patrol – helping other pirates to unload their treasure!

Yes, they spied ships in ‘distress’ with their spyglasses and sailed out to escort them home safely, even helping them sell their booty. All without robbing them blind. Quite touching, really. Well done, Boat Patrol!


The Fortune Crew Opens First Ever Pirate Spa

Not many pirates go in for pedicures (those with wooden legs may even prefer a good varnishing), but if you do like to treat yourself and unwind, there’s finally hope. The Fortune Crew, who consider themselves the first ‘Pirate Union’, have shown us the way to achieve buccaneering bliss between voyages with the first ever pirate spa.

We wish only the calmest of tides for these pampered pirates!

Pictured: treasure seekers ease their weary bones in this homemade spa


Gunpowder Barrel Giveaway

Pictured: things that go boom in the night, and often in the day too

The Pirate Times has heard that the crafty seafarer Lizalaroo (of Museum of More Pirate fame) has crafted a fine custom gunpowder barrel to give away to the daredevil who impresses her most! She’s looking for evidence of only the most explosive exploits, so if you love to blow things up, you could win your very own special, hand-crafted item to commemorate your chaos: http://bit.ly/LizBarrel

Strange Messages in the Sand!

Pictured: a bird's-eye view of this inscrutable shoreline graffiti

What does it mean? Why was it created? A hoard of more than 1,000 chests was recently arranged on a beach to spell out the words “THANKS RARE #BeMorePirate Sea of Thieves” and depict various skulls and weapons. The Chicken Crew have claimed responsibility for this astonishing achievement in treasure hunting, but who could they be trying to communicate with? Perhaps they ate some bad bananas.

Perfidious Pirate Plunders Poultry

The Merchant Alliance requests that all seafarers of good character be on the lookout for a thief who is taking unattended livestock from outposts around the Sea of Thieves. He’s described as a bald, bearded man with an eyepatch and extensive tattoos.

Footprints found in the sand at each scene seem to suggest that either he has two wooden legs or his shoes are way, way too small.

Pictured: alleged chicken pilferer whose whereabouts remain unknown