Why Mermen *MUST* be Removed from Sea of Thieves

@crimsonraziel

bOI, imma badly execute u

fite meh

@the-estler

Because they're ugly, that's why.

Don't @ me

@fi1thy-rat said in Why Mermen *MUST* be Removed from Sea of Thieves:

Despite the bad rep it has, Sea of Thieves is actually a good game. It can be a lot of fun, it’s immersive, and the graphics are gorgeous. I enjoy playing this game with my friends all the time, and nothing can change that.

BUT…. There is something horribly wrong with this game.

You see, when you fall off your faithful vessel or get stranded on an island, you can magically teleport yourself to your ship with the help of the mermaids. The mermaids are essentially your savior, allowing you to find safety and refuge in the seven seas, before becoming devoured by sharks, claimed by skeletons, or drowning.

So when a mermaid comes to your aid, you’d expect something beautiful, like a guardian angel, right? Like in most media, where mermaids are beautiful sirens that sing beautiful notes…

But instead…

… YOU GET HIDEOUS ABOMINATIONS THAT ARE MERMEN!!

Mermen are not only terrible, disgusting, revolting, repulsive, nasty, unholy, repellent, horrid, stomach-turning, vOMIT-INDUCING, DISTASTEFUL ABOMINATIONS THAT VIOLATE MY EYES AT THE SHEER SIGHT OF THEM, THEY ARE ALSO JUST THE WORST!!!

One time, I was being circled by three sharks in the ocean waters, with little health left. I was desperate to get back to my ship. Suddenly, I saw the blue mist. I saw hope! I swam to it, fearing that the sharks would claim me before I could get to safety..

But then… I saw that it was a merman. An ugly, hideous, disgusting merman. It looked at me with its hideous “I'm gonna violate you” smile, and I immediately tURNED MYSELF AROUND, AND SWAM BACK TO THE SHARKS TO LET THEM KILL ME BECAUSE THAT’S HOW UGLY THESE MERMEN ARE!!!

I LITERALLY CHOSE DEATH OVER GOING NEAR A MERMAN!!!

They are so ugly that they cannot be remedied just by a patch or a mod… no, no, no… their very presence in the game makes me feel uncomfortable. When I sleep at night, I see them watching me… like they never left… They must be removed from the game.

For a less ugly world and a better game… take the initiative and remove Mermen from Sea of Thieves! It’s the noble thing to do!

Brought to you by people who desire a better game, and a better world.

Jesus....were you hired by Kathleen Kennedy to write this?

@wizensquire1113 lol

@sir-lotus but they so ugly that not even mother teresa could love them

they violate my eyes, man-

@sir-lotus

iS HISTORICAL ACCURACY TRULY WORTH THE HECKIN' UNHOLY VIOLATION OF A MANS EYEBALLS? NO.

@the-estler if somebody were to look at you like those mermen do in the subway, prepare your [Mod edited]. you're gonna get violated.

@the-estler

STARES AT YOU WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SONS

gOOOOOOOOD LAAAAAAAWWWWWD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL. I PITY YOU. I'M NOT ASKING TO SEE A HECKIN' BEAUTY, I'M ONLY LOOKING TO SEE A CREATURE THAT WON'T INSTILL S U I C I D A L THOUGHTS WITHIN MY MIND

@spectrazy666 finally a positive comment that doesn't accuse
me of essentializing an entire fictional species 👍 👍 👍

@spectrazy666 I like you. This dude knows what's up.

If mermaids in the lore of this game are other pirates who have drowned at sea and are slowly turning into fish...
You want all the unshaven, scurvy ridden, one-eyed dudes to
Instantly transform into T0T3S H0T CH1CKS...?

@undeathx

Y E E E E E E E E E E SSSSSSSSSSSS

@the-estler Boi, MY internal psyche is disturbed by the sheer UGLINESS of those [Mod edited]

@UndeathX OR they could not be so [Mod edited] ugly that my EYES pop out of their own sockets and throw themselves onto a burning fire??? is that such a bad thing to ask?

@the-estler are we SERIOUSLY going there?

[Mod edited], we're talking about a FICTIONAL species that doesn't exist irl.

chill yo [Mod edited], smh

@fi1thy-rat tldr; not broken dont fix it. Simple.

@sir-lotus and i'm supporting the rights of my eyeballs 😤

#EyeballLivesMatter

@personalc0ffee nah, let them figure it out for themselves.

i'm taking WAYYY too much enjoyment out of these idiots lol

Well, I laughed, lost brain cells and felt bad for the merfolk in the end. If treasure chests looked like a pair of butt cheeks you wouldn’t complain. If the thing takes me to my ship, I works fine. That said, I would enjoy another AI NPC besides the people and aquaman folks.

Side note, when OP types bOI I can’t help but say it out loud, is that encouraging them, probably.

Everytime I'm rescued by a Merman this is what I think of and I can't stop laughing.