@mgstrein
Hey, I want to thank you for posting this so respectfully and honestly.
I've been playing since before the game launched, and I embrace and enjoy all aspects (I went in knowing what it was about), but I do understand your situation. And, honestly, I wish there were currently ways for people with your, and your partner's, wishes to play and fully enjoy this wonderful game. It is tricky, because the core game loop is designed around a certain amount of potential player-encounter-risk - but, we all know that players tend to treat that as constant kill-on-sight within video games. I'm not knocking that either. It's just a game, of course, and it is what it is. The combat is truly fun - we have giant ships, and cannons, and firearms, and cutlasses... but I get it. That player vs player element, with or without a giant skill gap, can be no fun to some, for various reasons.
Anyway, a lot of people tend to suggest getting more experience with PvP and growing to enjoy it - and that is fair and good advice for many. However, I also know that some people will never enjoy PvP, certainly not the way others do (and that's okay too, of course!). It can be worth a try, but, yeah, that's not going to work for everyone.
You can also play the game very cautiously - by keeping yourself on heightened awareness to avoid encounters - but that may sap the fun out of it for you anyway. That mode is somewhat like being a mouse in a lion's den. It can be fun, but it doesn't help you when things go wrong now and then, and you end up in a fight. It can work though, if you enjoy it and have the right mindset - and you may grow better at defending yourself and enjoy it - but, that runs along the same line as trying to enjoy PvP - it's not for everyone.
One thing I will say is, it's a controversial subject around these parts, but the developers have said private servers are something they are interested in doing. Even saying it's more about WHEN it will happen, rather than IF it will happen. However, there's also much discussion amongst the community about such private play sessions and private servers should not be able to reward any gold/advancement/progression. That's not a debate worth entering into here (most feel it's not even a debate, but we'll see what the developers eventually decide to do - and I wouldn't hold my breath for it, either way!). I just wanted to give you that bit of info, for whatever it is worth.
Even though my crew and I sail around and welcome combat - we also prefer to investigate what other crews are about and what they'd enjoy. If they're new, inexperienced, doing tall tales, trying to avoid fights and not interfering with anything we want... we like to leave them be and wish them well. We do not find satisfaction from easy, unwilling prey. Sometimes we even help them (some of my crew is very bloodthirsty, but even the worst of them like to be nice sometimes). And there ARE even friendlier crews out there, some who never attack... but there are, indeed, far more shoot-first pirates on these seas.
The one bit of advice I could recommend for you and your partner (to continue playing) is to join up with some experienced and skilled players and sail on a galleon together. Get a taste of the fun that way. Not everyone has to be the brute force strength. It really is a lot of fun. My partner is not a fan of PvP, but she enjoys when playing with us, and is even known to smoke some scoundrels when they try attacking us. :D
Of course, it's not necessarily easy to find these people to play with, but there honestly are a lot of friendly, kind, helpful, and fun players in this community that may be interested. Twitter has a pretty nice sea of thieves community (in case you are on there). Could be worth a shot.
Depending on your play time, and such, I may be able to help. Even if it is just a bit of a send-off (at least until a possible future where you may find greater enjoyment with the game, one way or the other).
Honestly, I do understand how this game has such a great appeal for players far beyond wanting to engage in PvP. It's beautiful, amazing, thrilling, and fantastic. The waves, the views, the sailing, the physics, the fun! I wish more people could enjoy it in the ways that they wish, and without the dread some feel when faced with PvP (many people can't relate to that, but I do understand that it exists and is just not fun for some).
It's not necessarily an easy thing to tackle. There can't be safe zones or anything within a server, but I honestly couldn't care less if people played this game for hours on a private server, gaining anything and everything we can on live servers. It wouldn't bother me at all. The only difficult part about that is whether or not it would negatively impact the live servers. I'm not convinced it would, but I understand predictions that it might - and I'll leave that to far more invested minds of the game designers and publishers. :D
Anyway, I've rambled, but I wanted to give a reply as soon as I saw your post. I really respect what you're saying and wish you could continue to enjoy the elements of the game that you enjoy. It's really a magical game - and the development team are really special too. I don't think their vision for this game was quite as bloodthirsty as the playerbase has, un-shockingly, turned it into... but it was pretty obvious it would go that way, hehe.
And, yeah, these forums are not exactly the magical, mystical, friendly place many of us would prefer it to be. :D A lot of the people replying really are attempting to offer help the best as they see it though, and that's all we can ask for, hehe.
Cheers and I hope you find fair winds!