Revenge and Eastenders

I was having a bit of a solo sloop the other day when another sloop began to chase me. He was obviously after a touch of pvp so i oblidged. I very quickly became aware that these were new players, as if their inability to aim a canon didnt prove it their tomy 'my first pirate ship sails and dress up kit' certainly did....
Now, as im a man i am incapable of certain things (so my wife tells me) such as communication, empathy and the infuriating ability to apply shakespearean-esque analysis to the deeper messages being conveyed by the charectors of the bbcs much acclaimed eastenders.... oh, and multi tasking. As i cant multi task i cant sail my sloop and fire cannons at the same time (though i am sure if i allowed myself to be enlightened and embraced by the proverbs of dot cotton id be able to... or has she slipped this mortal coil now? ... that would explain the wrinkled face of the ferryman, stick a superking in his mouth and he'd be a dead ringer...maybe thats nick cottons hands poking out of the brig 'maaa, let me off this ship im clean honest'!!)... Anyway, i digress and if youre not english that whole bit in brackets will make no sense, apologies... after a while of this sureal encounter i got bored and spun the wheel so i kept circling. I then got out my speaking trumpet and shouted 'lads, im bored now and if im honest quite dissapointed that a 2 man sloop hasnt managed to sink me' well, the onslaught of cannon balls that followed was indicative of the fact they had the hump with me, so i proceeded to give them pointers 'im a moving target lads aim slightly in front of me' followed by 'too high shoot below the water line' they were getting more and more angry and the angrier they got the worst they got!... in the end i said 'lads, let me help you out' i then dropped the anchor and sat down on the deck... before nipping to the kitchen to pour a cheeky beer.... when i returned i was on the ferry, so after a brief exchange of pleasantries with dot and nick i spawned back on my ship to find i was sinking and could see my apprentice pirates sailing off into the distance.... i began to bail and i also at this point realised they had had the savvy to empty my wood barrel. I jad 3 holes and 2 bits of wood about my person... i fixed 2 holes and kept bailing...i could see the sloop had parked up at a nearby island so i sailed toward them whilst occassionally popping down to bucket... when i got close i could see they were both occupied with an oos on the island.... at this point i had an idea. I scuttled, swam up to their unoccupied ship and boarded.. up came the anchor, down went the sails and off i went. I circled the island and saw thembon the beach... i turned the ship towards them and sailed straight into the island, as i did so i got on the speaking trumpet and shouted alright lads.... they turned to look at me with horror and disbelief in their eyes and then....... do-do-d-d-d- do do (cue eastenders end credits)