Even Pirates have to eat

  • Hey everyone,

    we all have to eat from time to time. And some of us even prepare the food for ourselves. Let's share your creations. Doesn't matter if it's breakfast, lunch, snack or dinner.

    I'll start. I was a bit bored today and ended up creating the ugliest burger ever. Let me guide you through the process.

    First of all, it's raining outside, so lets make the burger inside this time. The most important part is to be hungover. So make a small cup of coffee first: hairy adult male hand for scale

    alt text

    Then, you need to realize, that your ex took all of your good knives, when she moved out and all your remaining knives are in terrible condition, so sharpen them a bit.

    alt text

    Now, you don't want to eat just a burger, you'll want some steak fries with it. So get yourselves some potatoes.

    alt text

    Season them with whatever you like, mix with your hands and a bit of oil. Wash your hands, so you can take a picture of them. Put them in the oven, since they'll take a while to get done. Now take them out again and wash your hands one more time, because you forgot to take that picture.

    alt text

    Choose what type of meat you want. I went with Beef Chuck.

    alt text

    Now, take out that old meat grinder your grandma gave you. It's perfect for this, because if you weren't hungry, as soon as you're done with this, you will be. If you don't have enough meet, add some of your fingers, with this grinder, it's easy.

    alt text

    Mix in some seasoning if you want, and don't forget to make the shape of patties as ugly as possible.

    alt text

    Now, check your fridge for beer, realize you have only one bottle left.

    alt text

    Run outside to get some more. Realize it's raining, return to change your clothes and get an umbrella. Run outside again, buy beer, restock fridge.

    alt text

    Gather ingredients for homemade sauce. Pickles are important, preferably those, that are as sour as your ex.

    alt text

    Put the finished sauce in fridge for now.

    alt text

    How can you make a hangover burger without bacon? Well, you can't.

    alt text

    Caramelize some chopped onions. I like to do that with butter and add a bit of sugar.

    alt text

    Have a beer, you deserve it.
    if you're under the legal age limit for your country, have a coke or something. If you're from US, have some water, taste will be pretty much the same as your beer.

    alt text

    Shred some lettuce (or use a whole one, up to you), and get some tomatoes, I only had little ones.

    alt text

    Grilling time! If you haven't, add salt and pepper now. After one side is done, add a slice of cheddar on top. (don't forget to take a picture...)

    alt text

    Slice the buns, put a bit of butter on them and grill.
    also make sure, that one side is almost burned and the other is raw, so it's really ugly

    alt text

    Assemble buger, take your sauce out of the fridge, take out those slightly burned fries that you forgot in the oven.

    alt text

    Attempt to make an artistic picture, by slicing the burger, open another beer and enjoy your meal.

    alt text

  • 7
    Posts
    4.4k
    Views
  • @sir-lotus

    Did I see BEER , sorry grog in the fridge.
    I'll be round in 5 minutes......
    Nice little article..... I'll still be round in 5 minutes :-)

    edit:..... god I am hungry now.... damn you!..... :-)

  • @piratecraggy thx, tomorrow, I'll probably do some baking. Not sure if sweet, salty, or a bit of both. So stay tuned for more terrible meals. :D

    And I encourage others to show off something as well.

  • That made me and my gf both laugh more than it probably should have. That was great. Thank u, i needed that

  • I've promised to do some more today, so here it is.

    Step one. Just like in the game, gather all of your supplies. Take a picture, let that egg fall on the floor, because your table is a bit crooked and you didn't think this through.

    alt text

    Peal potatoes and turn them into little squares. Let them sit in cold water for a bit, so you get rid of some of that starch. Dry them on paper towels afterwards. Same process works pretty well for washing little kids.

    alt text

    Peal onions, cry for a few minutes, chop onions, cry again. Caramelize them. Add sugar, so they're a bit sweeter.

    alt text

    Dude! Seriously? Do you have to put Bacon in everything you do? Isn't it enough of it? Well, if you have to ask that, I'm affraid we can't be friends anymore. There's no such thing as "enough Bacon". Chop it up, cook it.

    alt text

    Assemble! The ingredients, not Avengers. Lay your potatoes, bacon and onions on the puff pastry, Season it with salt, pepper, paprika and whatever else you like. Pour a bit of hot bbq sauce in the middle, cheddar cheese around it.

    alt text

    Roll it up, whisk an egg and smear it over the outside. Put it in your preheated oven. Now go and treat your injuries, because you've just burned your hand.

    alt text

    Take it out, slice it and eat it. Now you need to put your tongue into a freezer. You've just burned yourself again, since the inside of that roll is incredibly hot. Wait for it to cool down a bit, continue eating.

    alt text

    Disclaimer:
    No animals were harmed during making this meal. (except a pig and an adult male human)
    Author of this post is not responsible for any injuries or weight gains you might experience.

  • Wow @sir-lotus ! That sure looks ttaaaasssstttyyyy!!!

    Nom nom nom.

  • @sir-lotus ˙ʎǝʇɐɯ sɹǝǝɥƆ

    ˙ʇɐd uʍop ɹǝƃɹnq ɹǝʌoƃuɐH ʇɐɥʇ ɟo ɟlɐɥ ʇoƃ I ʞuᴉɥʇ I
    Now to work on the burger part of it. hic

    ˙sʇɹnɥ pɐǝɥ ʎW ˙ƃuɐp

7
Posts
4.4k
Views
4 out of 7